why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
