I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
