my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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