Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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