Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
