She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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