does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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