so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
