Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
