I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
