life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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