if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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