Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
