While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
