Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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