What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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