You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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