I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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