The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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