I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
