Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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