im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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