Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
