We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
