I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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