its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
