hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
