just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
