you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize