The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As shirtless as possible
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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