I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
