I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
