is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
