Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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