oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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