is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
