I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Every concussion has its silver lining
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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