He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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