Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize