whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
