I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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