kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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