either way he was missing a nipple.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
