last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
