Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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