she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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