i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize