Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
