Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you had me at cake vodka
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
