it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize