I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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