He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize