he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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