it wasn't lemon gatorade
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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