belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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