New invention idea: vibrating tampons
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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