she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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