Its about making memories worth repressing
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
