No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
