I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
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saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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