i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
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After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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