he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize