im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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