so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
