I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
