she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
