Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you had me at cake vodka
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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