I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
