What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
