3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
