It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
