happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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