if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
