Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
