kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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