just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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